So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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