I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize