just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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