Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize