so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
