Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
