so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
