my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
