I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and she was petting her beer can
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
