just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
