I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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