never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
