dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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