i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
