Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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