break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
