You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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