My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
FUCK WHALES
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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