Can i not drive my cunt home
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize