Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
