I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
