Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
