I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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