Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
