I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
