Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
