please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
