So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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