i jhust puked up my retainher.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
