no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
