guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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