I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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