I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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