This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
