dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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