i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
where am i from again
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
