I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
