I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
