There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
