2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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