Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
