I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
