If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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