I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
