tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
