the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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