If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm passing your future prison.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
