So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
