Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
