I can tuck mytits in my pants
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
