She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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