i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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