How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
