proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
