Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
