just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
