I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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