I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my shit smells like andre
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
