sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
