you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
