I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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