i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize