I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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