you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
