I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
