Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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