Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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