i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
